Finding your feet

GB Railfreight's Bessie Matthews reflects on gaining experience as a Post Qualified Assessment driver

If you’ve been reading my journey in Right Track over the past few years, you might know that I’m currently a Post Qualified Assessment (PQA) driver. This means that, while I’m driving solo, I’m closely monitored by the train’s ’black box’ and assessed more often than drivers with experience longer than 2 years.But now I’m nearly at the end of it, and I’ve been thinking less about what it is on paper, and more about what it’s actually felt like. It’s a kind of limbo; an in-between stage where you’re no longer brand new… but you’re not quite fully settled either. Honestly, that can feel a bit strange at times. So, you’re passed out, you’re doing the job, people trust you, but in your own head, you’re still double-checking and learning to trust yourself. You’re still having those little moments of ‘wait, was that right?’ after something slightly different or unexpected. You’re flicking through pages of your notes or the Rule Book, and asking experienced drivers if they would have done the same, learning from them if they’d do anything differently. Over the 2 years of being a fresh new driver, you start to find your footing. You’re not overthinking about every single step. You’re naturally looking further ahead, and you trust your judgement a bit more. You just… settle. I’ve done so much over the last 24 months. I’ve worked on possessions all around the country, I’ve driven the mileage of around the globe a good couple of times, I’ve learned routes from Southampton to Westbury, Birmingham and
through beautiful scenery. It’s the best job in the world, and the hardest I’ve ever had to learn. I’ll never truly know it all.That’s something worth saying out loud, especially for newer generations coming through our industry now: you don’t have to have it nailed straight away. It’s completely normal to feel like maybe you shouldn’t be here, that they’ve hired you by accident perhaps, even after you’ve qualified. If anything, that’s probably a good thing. It means you care enough to question yourself, and that’s a
huge part of staying safe. We all go through that same phase of figuring it out. The best thing we can do—whether we’re in probation, PQA, or beyond—is to be open about where we are in our careers. Share the wobbly moments as well as the smooth ones. Check in with each other. Answer the ‘probably silly’ questions (that never actually are). That’s what builds a proper safety culture. I’ve still got one final milestone to go in what is still the start of a lifelong career. I’m due to revisit the rules and sit the ‘big’ exam for the first time since school. I’m excited and nervous to see what has stuck in my mind. And then I’ll no longer be a new driver. I’ll officially be ‘experienced’ on paper, but far from for a very long time. Feeling unsure sometimes isn’t a weakness, but actually a part of becoming and being a safe driver._{Image credit: Bessie Matthews}